Research suggests that 85% of adults have a negative self-image. The question isn't whether or not you've had pain, but what have you done with it? (page 27) Before you can change, you have to understand your own pain. Have you buried your pain? Put it in a closet hoping to never be opened? Have you formed negative habits to mask it?

To get to a clear view, you must understand what has shaped you, and unpack the scripts you've been running in your brain. Your behavior, how you show up, is directly impacted but what you actually believe about yourself. We can't change what we don't acknowledge. This means we have to be intentional about going deeper than surface level answers, or answers that we think people want to hear.

Be honest with yourself. A useful metaphor is the iceberg. The majority of icebergs are sustained underneath the surface of the water. For the most part, we see can see what's on top. It's what's below the surface water that we need to focus on so that we can understand what has been sustaining our internal belief system.

Here's some guided questions to help you drill down your internal belief system. You can answer these from any or all contexts in your life- personal, spiritual, professionally, etc.

• What are the top 3 dominant positive events in your life? What belief about yourself did you learn from those events?
• What are the top 3 dominant negative events in your life? What belief about yourself did you learn from those events?
• What is one thing you feel like you got from your mother that you didn't want?
• What is one thing you craved most from your mother, but didn't get?
• What is one thing you feel like you got from your father that you didn't want?
• What is one thing you craved most from your father, but you did get?

To help integrate the learning, use a blank page and draw out the following questions. Don't beat yourself up if you're not an artist. The goal is to help externalize your thoughts, and get an image to associate with your work here. Give yourself permission to use crayons, markers, pencils or other creative expressions to explore this.

How would you describe yourself? Are there any negative words you or someone else has used to describe you? If yes, do YOU believe that they are true? What would this look like as a word picture?

Who is someone in your life who has encouraged you? What positive traits do you think they see in you? What would this look like to you as a picture?

Overall, do you feel like you have a positive or negative self image? Can you think of any specific behaviors that resulted in a negative self-image? What does your negative self image look like to you as a picture? What would a positive self image look like?